Election 2012: Obama Sees Only Hope is Republican Party
James Dugan
stefrich823After the White House Killed the Long Care Plan in the Health Care Reform, President Obama saw a boost in his approval rating. Seeing a possible opening in changing his ever-opportunistic career path, the President has released that he will be running as a Republican next November.
Unable to find any differences between his administration and the previous one, Obama admits that he should have been a Republican after all. His representative, John Voldemort, released the news, “The President is frustrated with the lack of spirit, competition, and platform of the scared Democratic side, and has decided that he sees no hope in his party.”
Fox News, who was elated in September when Obama's Ratings Dropped to all time Low, seemed baffled and downright depressed when they heard the President was running for the Republican ticket. Anchor Cynthia White was reluctant to express her feelings until we put a camera in front of her. “He surely has some of the same ideas as the Republican Party and more experience than the whole field in exacting Republican ideals. Take for example expanding the presence of troops in the Middle East or allowing the government to continue to bail out corporate irresponsibility; these two goals were well received by most Republicans. I always have respected his actions on Human Rights and his labor stance, or lack there of, has been more devastating than any previous President. I think he would make a great Republican Presidential nominee, much better than Mitt Romney. “
The Master Shake SignalJohn Voldemort continued to speak for the President’s future. “We know President Obama is not afraid of change and his income and alliances are closely aligned with Republicans. His recent cutting of long-term health care is just the start of wooing his enemies into allies. He told me in confidentiality that he really respects their obstinacy in not giving him any leeway and if he becomes a Republican, he would follow the same path. The President believes if he was a Republican and tried the same programs of his 1st term, the Democrats would never have the guts to fight like that and the Republicans will go with the party line.”
The news of Obama’s party switch has Republicans presidential hopefuls shaking in fear because they realize they have no way to beat Obama’s platform and great golf friendship with John Boehner. Perry was overheard saying, “Jesus Christ, he has played golf with the speaker 16 times in the last two years.”
Voldemort ended the press conference saying, “It may be a shock to you, but remember the President came to Washington for bi-partisan cooperation to get things done. What is more bi-partisan than one term as a Democrat and one term as a Republican. He promises to change none of his policies, but he thinks the Democrats are much weaker a fight and the Republicans need a real leader. Nothing he has done has been part of any of his promises he made in the last campaign. As a Republican, he promises no less the same action, but certainly different results.
“By becoming one of them, they will see he was never an enemy and he can voice his disgust of the Wall Street Protesters in public.”
Reader Comments (2)
It seems that President Obama has also been in close contact with former VP Dick Cheney about foreign policy. The conversation probably went something like this:
"Hey Dick, it's Barry. I got this American citizen in Yemen al-Awaki who's probably guilty of terrorism. You think I should capture him and give him a trial at gitmo or at least water board him for info?"
"Nah, just sent a robot drone to blow him up"
"But that wouldn't exactly be constitutional, would it?"
"That didn't stop me and W. Remember the patriot act? You got free reign."
"I guess you're right, Dick. Any other advice?"
"Sure. With this election coming up next year, you should probably escalate your war rhetoric against Iran, now that we're leaving Iraq."
"Great plan. Nevermind that whole jobs thing. I wish I had you instead of ol' Joe Biden."
Great satire at the fact that there is a very, very thin line of real difference between current party politics. I think this is why Americans are so frustrated, because they realize that they are really just voting for the same thing over and over again, regardless of what we call it, especially when it comes to economics. Your piece does a great of revealing this sad irony.