The Case for $1,000,000 Parents

After the recent release of the shocking results from a long-term educational study proving that kindergarten teachers do in fact have a meaningful impact on children’s future, another, more astounding study’s results have been released indicating that parents (that’s right, parents!) can also have a major positive influence on their children’s lives.  Some researchers involved in the study are going as far to claim that parents in fact may be even more influential than their educational counterparts.  However, some involved in the study, performed at UNLV, home of the 1990 NCAA College Basketball Champions, said there is still not enough hard data to support this just yet. 

Regardless of who is more influential, kindergarten teachers or children’s parents, the findings of these two studies have the educational world in a buzz.  The initial report, published in The New York Times on July 28^th, indicated that kindergarten teachers’ financial worth, when determined by the financial success of their students, could be as much as $320,000 a year.  The study was performed by a Harvard economist Raj Chetty, who with a team of five other researchers tracked over 12,000 students in Tennessee in the 1980s.  According to Mr. Chetty, the researchers weren’t even concerned about test scores, but rather “adult outcomes”, which is a bizarre term unfamiliar to most of society and the educational world as well. 

The study was able to track the students who achieved the greatest levels of success and trace the earliest influences back to their kindergarten experiences.  Apparently the students who learned the most in kindergarten were more likely to attend college, save for retirement, make more money, and were less likely to become a single parent.  These results are an astonishing contrast to the century old perception of kindergarten as a glorified day care where students hone fundamental skills of sitting in circles, tying their shoes, identifying obscure animal sounds, not picking their noses, and not peeing their pants.  The study provided great satisfaction to kindergarten teachers, with one saying, “Finally, after 37 years of unbuckling kids’ pants and discouraging them from eating glue, I am vindicated.  I can die knowing my life actually had purpose.” 

As for the newest study just released yesterday on the website Wikileaks, contending that parents can influence their children’s future just as much if not more than teachers, there are already some skeptics concerned about the supposed degree of influence.  According to the findings, parents simply have to be “good”, “caring”, “consistent”, “attentive”, “sensible”, and occasionally “fun” and/or “funny” for their children to become wildly successful.  The lead researcher, some guy named Josh, contended that when such variables are in place, children can make up to a million dollars a year, a number far exceeding the $320,000 impact of kindergarten teachers. 

Obviously this number has raised eyebrows.  One educational theorist from Yale cited certain problems with the study, stating, “There seems to be no hard data to support these findings whatsoever.  It’s almost as if everything is completely made up.”  Adding his own bewilderment, “I didn’t even know UNLV was still a university.”  When presented with the critics questions of the study, Josh simply asked, “Well, do you really need data?  It’s parents.  Everyone knows parents are the most important variable in a child’s ability to succeed.  Right?” 

In addition to the educational and economic critics of this new study, many parents have also challenged the findings.  Many are contending that their children are doing just fine with just the school’s help, and that, as far as they can tell, their children are going to be successful.  Other parents are saying that they fulfilled all their parental responsibilities cited in the study but their children are still failures.  One mother revealed, “I did everything I could.  Made his breakfast, lunch, dinner and bed every day of his life.  Bought every video game he wanted and purposely lost to him to build his self-esteem.  Called his teachers to complain when he got a bad grade.  Helped him write essays for English class.  Gave him a salary for just being great.  But he’s 37 and still living at home and he works at WaWa.”  The mother went on the elaborate that her son is not even a manager at WaWa, merely a deli hand.

As for these situations, Josh contends that yes there are anomalies, like all studies and subsequent findings.  “For instance, we found in some of our hypothetical subgroups that there were actually some children whose parents raised them properly, received good educations, but still ended up making mediocre salaries and struggling to save money.  In most cases these people were civil servants, like teachers and police officers, and their parents must have made the foolish mistake of teaching them that money isn’t everything and giving back to their communities can be just as rewarding.”

Now with the release of these two studies in back to back weeks, some researchers are going to attempt to study the effects of both good kindergarten teachers and good parents.  Researchers are already speculating the outcomes of such powerful influences.  One stated, “These kids probably all become athletes, movie stars, or politicians.  Or all three, like Jim Brown, Jesses Ventura, or Jon Runyan.  Whatever it is, they are all absurdly successful!”   

Comments

[James Dugan]

If it was only as easy as raising kids with respect, diverse cultural opportunities, and little compassion, well we would all be good. I think you left out the good step parent, the gradmother, and the rich uncle. These three seem to be playing a serious role in American education, so lets give them $750,000.

I hate research other than to make satiric blogs about. I enjoyed how you equated the hard work ethic of a kindergarten kid with actual worldly success as measured by not being a single parent. I am sure washing your hands played a role in that one.

Let's make all our decision based on studies that do not really research anything other than circles on a census card. Let's never get to know who these people are and why learning to sneeze in a tissue has made them hugely successful.

Can you find out one thing for me Edmonds, was there any hugely successful kindergarten teachers in that research case group?

Thanks for the laugh -- you had me for two paragraphs though. Damn I wanted be millionaire.

[Martin Roche]

A good argument, but I am skeptical about the impact parents can have on their children's lives. Parents have already supplied the Nature of the binary model through their genetic contributions; it's up to society to provide the Nurture. Parents' meddling will furthermore only complicate their development as consumers, recipients of government support and debtors. I appreciate the optimism in your piece, but let's be realistic. Really.

Maybe if parents took the time to become their kid's "best friend," then perhaps they can have the necessary impact that society hopes to see in our future leaders. Their academic success notwithstanding for this commenter, children seem, on the surface, to be much happier and gratified by a household where their parents strive to get their children's approval, just the way children strive to be approved by their peers. This is empowering for children. Anyway, teachers have been so fully trained to become their students' disciplinarians that they now have more quality experience in this area than parents do. Let's everybody just do the job that society wants us to do.