The New 2012 Stimulus Bill

Just out of Washington:

There is news coming out of Washington of a secret meeting with President Obama and his advisers and the new bipartisan congenial Congress to adapt a new, new , new economic stimulus plan that now will calculate the end of the world year as foretold by the Mayan calendar in 2012. "We really need to act prudently with these new numbers, because they could predict total doom for the automobile industry and send the already ailing banking industry into a further tailspin. It is with the hopes of all hope, even more important than all the other hopes the President has talked about before, we act with resolve and courage with the end of world being so close", said White House chief correspondent Jeffrey Heinz.

This meeting came as a result of a brief recorded conversation at an undisclosed lunch table far from Washington that Obama had found on the Internet. Heinz rebuked a reporter when he said that perhaps the administration was acting too quickly, "The President will not allow any new information, regardless of how irrelevant to distract him from saving the whole planet, as well as Citi-Group.

" Though little information is known of the new plan, early releases have 100 Trillion dollars being sent to the Church of Ancient Mayan Culture to insure that they will pray for the good and honest people of the United States who have held great respect for the Mayan people and their direct descendants the Mexicans since Wednesday. "I think they will understand that without the low paying jobs and lack of health insurance we have provided the place beneath Texas, they would really be nothing but a great Spring break vacation place", continued Heinz.

The correspondent for the White House finished his terse statements saying that the President wants everyone to forget about what he has been saying about sacrifice and responsibility. "He really wants everyone to just start spending everything they have as if the world was ending. Because it really is." The stock Market went up 10,000 points after the news conference and everyone was seen smiling on the Street. When this reporter asked one gleeful passerby about the recent change, he said, "I am just glad I'll have some money for retirement, but then again who will be here to use it." Passionate words for someone facing certain doom.