Dude... Food: Bistro Bethem

Growing up in New Jersey, my delicious junk food options were borderline limitless. Tomato pie? De Lorenzo’s on Hudson. Cheesesteak special? Nino’s Pizzarama on Chambers. Cheese fries and sausage sandwiches? The Boardwalk in Seaside Heights. Mussels Marinara? Chickie’s and Pete’s. I won’t even get into the hundreds of Philly cheesesteaks I’ve sampled while attending college or the best wings I’ve ever had at Moriarty’s on Walnut.

Having lived in such a great area for a fat kid, you can imagine the shock to my system when I was relocated to Fredericksburg, Virginia for a new job. The questions immediately raced through my head. Who does what? Steaks? Wings? Pizza? Burgers? I don’t know! That’s what brings me here today.

Please understand that I don’t look at Virginia as a vast wasteland where great food doesn’t exist. I’m simply here to document my journey. It’s a quest to find good eats in an unfamiliar place. Also, if you’re ever in the area, you’ll know exactly where to go and what to get. I’ll provide details about the service, the menu, pricing, atmosphere and most importantly, the taste. It’s a win/win.

My adventure began on a Sunday morning. I slept till about 11:30 (normal for a Sunday with nothing to do). I had an hour and a half before football started, so I needed to find an egg sandwich pronto.

I walked out the door of my one bedroom in Downtown Fredericksburg, a small, but bustling historic town full of boutiques, restaurants and bars. Driving wasn’t an option with parking being hard to come by, so I started my trek on foot. After twenty minutes of scouring the town I realized there wasn’t an egg sandwich to be had. That was until I stumbled across Bistro Bethem (309 William Street).

Tables were out on the sidewalk, but this wasn’t a time to get cute. I needed food in my belly. To my delight I saw their brunch menu displayed proudly outside with the magical words “Bacon & Egg Sandwich”. I ignored the $9.50 price tag and quickly went inside.

I was quickly greeted by a young bartender who showed me to my seat. That’s when I had the chance to take in my surroundings. I instantly realized this place had multiple personalities. I’m talking Jekyll & Hyde kinds of things going on. One half of the room was taken up by an old, stylish wooden bar. I noticed that their specialty was their wine selection and the bottles were stacked on top of one another on a large, wooden wine rack just inside the front doorway. It was a sweet setup.

Now onto Mr. Hyde. The other half of the room was borderline terrifying. Large paintings of, what can only be described as, a naked Michael Clarke Duncan wrestling a naked member of the Blue Man Group covered the walls. Some showcased the same characters wrestling dragons, demons and gargoyles. It was as if it were designed by a World of Warcraft-loving 15 year old. I was uncomfortable.

So I sat facing the bar and ordered my bacon and egg sammich from the friendly waitress along with a glass of fresh-squeezed OJ. Now I like my OJ to be sweet and drinkable. I don’t think that’s asking a lot. What I got was the most bitter, undrinkable orange juice I’ve ever had. You know that acidy taste that’s left in your mouth after you vomit? It was like drinking that.

I stuck with my water and when my breakfast arrived, I was immediately impressed by the presentation. The bun for my sandwich was branded with the letter “B”. It could stand for “Bistro”, “Bethem”, “Breakfast”, “Brian” (which I’ll assume is the name of the cook), or “Bad Orange Juice”. The sandwich was bursting at the seams with an over-medium egg, bacon, gruyere cheese, fresh greens, a slice of tomato and mayo. They also threw in some home-cooked potato chips on the side. Time to go to work.

The big questions still looms: How did it taste? It was… RIDICULOUS. I don’t know whether I was just starving, willing to do anything to get the orange juice taste out of my mouth or if the sandwich was actually that delicious, but I don’t know if I can find enough adjectives to describe its gloriousness.

The yolk of the egg was a little messy, but honey badger don’t care. It was tasty and enhanced the flavor of everything else (especially the soft bun). I’m also not sure what kind of tomatoes they are growing in Virginia, but the slice they used elevated the sandwich to another level. It was sweet and ripe. The bacon was cooked to a crisp, so I wasn’t left accidentally pulling out an entire piece in one bite. The gruyere was melted and stringy, the way it should be. All in all, it was one of the best breakfast sandwiches I’ve ever had and worth the aforementioned price tag.

At the end of my meal I was offered crème brulee, but declined for religious reasons (Football was starting in 10 minutes). However, I would definitely go back to Bistro Bethem. Their walls displayed their Awards of Excellence from Wine Spectator Magazine in 2009 and 2010, which leads me to believe that I will have to stop in for dinner.

They also offer live music on Tuesday nights from 8:00 till 11:00 with $3 wine, beer and specialty cocktails. This place also updates its menu daily based on the freshest ingredients available. So if you’re in the area and looking for a spot that offers good wine and American grub with a Southern tip, be sure to check out Bistro Bethem. Just please… stay away from the orange juice.

You might also enjoy these posts from the Lunch Break: The Hibernian Coffee Shop: The Irish Breakfast Place with a Mexican Twist!, Real Men Diet, and Continental Midtown: An Unexpected Lunch.