"Insights Into The Moments That Define Our Lives" by Allison Wynn
Allison Wynn
Allison Wynn leads us in lunch. More information on her good work follows the essay. She is the author of The Answer: A Journey from Anger to Peace
As usual, my hair was the main event each morning. My mom would tie handfuls of hair in rags the night before and remove the rags the next morning leaving curls softly unfolding down to my shoulders. It was a painful process to remove the rags, but mom was intent on seeing those curls every morning so the routine continued until one day in 1962 changed everything.
It was time to leave for school and dad was coaxing me out the door to be on time. He drove me to school every morning on his way to work. I was in sixth grade and not yet aware of the world around me. The life I knew up to this point was school, home, homework and mostly staying in my room trying to block out the nightly arguments between mom and dad. Dad and I never had anything to say to each other on the way to school each morning. I would stare out the window thinking about nothing. On this morning, dad turned on the radio. “Oh yeah, you got that something. I think I understand. I want to hold your hand…I want to hold your hand…I want to hold your hand.” The Beatles woke me up to the tumultuous and passionate decade of the 60’s. I remember the moment, and the awareness that I was actually feeling something. I felt flushed, excited, uneasy and yet very alive. The song ended. That was the first Beatle song I had ever heard and it changed my life.
From that day forward I became part of the 60’s movement and felt that I belonged. I no longer allowed my mother to tie my hair in rags. I listened to the radio as often as possible to try to hear a Beatles song. I spent hours on my Princess phone talking about the Beatles and then the latest new groups coming onto the scene. Everyone in my class was feeling the same way. We’d talk about them, dress like them, cut our hair like them - screamed and cried whenever we heard them. There was no stopping me.
Suddenly, I was yelling back at my parents unafraid of the consequences. They didn’t know what to make of me, the music, my friends, and my world in general. I was no longer in their control. They backed away from me and off I went on my own. All the anger I had kept inside since early childhood came spewing out with a vengeance. It seems trivial, but hearing that song on that day woke up the sleeping giant within. In just a few short years, I would leave home for good. I was strong and somehow I was going to find my significance in this world.
The question I’ve often asked myself is “What would have happened in my life if I had never heard that song on that particular day--in that particular moment?” I’ll never know. However, I do know that from that day forward I began my search for my significance which ultimately led me to write The Answer: A Journey from Anger to Peace. My passion is helping people understand and acknowledge their emotions especially when it involves the feeling of anger, and learn to create more peace in their lives. It’s my hope that sharing my journey from anger to peace will make your journey a little easier and sooner.
Helping countless individuals faced with this hurt and anger inspired the creation of "the SOFIprocess”. This process outlines how the feelings of anger and frustration can be traced to being made to feel insignificant. "SOFI" stands for the "significance of feeling insignificant" and explains that while conflict is a fundamental part of any healthy relationship, conflict where it results in the intense anger response is unhealthy and unproductive.
Let’s begin by simply chatting about the framework of feeling more significant, thinking about yourself and sharing those feelings in a dialog about the theSOFIprocess. Join my social network. Go to my fanpage, http://www.facebook.com/theSOFIprocess and share a defining moment in your life. We can all learn from your story
You can also learn more about theSOFIprocess at http://www.theSOFIprocess.com. My book The Answer: A Journey from Anger to Peace can be purchased through my website or directly from Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Reader Comments (4)
Thank you for sharing with our table. We could use your sanity around here. Your book will be a read this summer. I hope to do a review when I am done. I also hope that you come back often with your insight and positive attitudes. You will be a welcome addition anytime.
I am fascinated by the Beatles. I am younger and I do not remember their live music, but when I got to college, I had a roommate who listened to nothing else. I did grow an appreciation for the band, but I never did grasp their cultural impact until I read a biography about the band.
The band that shocked me awake was Pearl Jam. It might be cliche today, but every song spoke to me about living fully, capturing the moment, and acting and thinking for yourself. These were powerful messages for a young person and they shaped my perspective, especially as it comes to communication in writing, music, and poetry. You must have a social message in every action and word that builds society, speaks for those who have no or little voice, and must do what you can to bring this message to the world.
I appreciate your insight and if you sign up for an account, I will place your name where mine is. I just published it. It is easy to sign up and you can come in and add new essays. Thanks for the lunch and making me remember a little of my history.
You are so welcome, James. I look forward to coming back to the table with more on creating signficance and peace in our lives! Thanks for the invitation.
I have been thinking about the Buddhist circle all day.
Interesting that you choose the feeling of insignificance as a central part in resolving anger and other negative emotions. After reading your piece and considering times when I do get mad, it does stem from a feeling that I'm not appreciated. I was just reading some of the former President Bush's reaction to the death of Osama bin Laden. Not to make this political, but his explanation of terrorism is that in a society where people have no hope of freedom, they are more likely to become angry and violent. I guess that's akin to feeling insignificant. I see a lot of angry teenagers through the course of my day as well, and now I"m wondering to what extent their anger comes from feeling ignored. I think the real solution towards anyone's anger still has to come internally. Others can help and prop up your self-image, but intrinsically I think we all have to make a conscious choice of whether or not we want to be in control of our emotions. I'll have to read the book and think more on it. Good topic for lunch...