As usual, my hair was the main event each morning. My mom would tie handfuls of hair in rags the night before and remove the rags the next morning leaving curls softly unfolding down to my shoulders. It was a painful process to remove the rags, but mom was intent on seeing those curls every morning so the routine continued until one day in 1962 changed everything.
It was time to leave for school and dad was coaxing me out the door to be on time. He drove me to school every morning on his way to work. I was in sixth grade and not yet aware of the world around me. The life I knew up to this point was school, home, homework and mostly staying in my room trying to block out the nightly arguments between mom and dad. Dad and I never had anything to say to each other on the way to school each morning. I would stare out the window thinking about nothing. On this morning, dad turned on the radio. “Oh yeah, you got that something. I think I understand. I want to hold your hand…I want to hold your hand…I want to hold your hand.” The Beatles woke me up to the tumultuous and passionate decade of the 60’s. I remember the moment, and the awareness that I was actually feeling something. I felt flushed, excited, uneasy and yet very alive. The song ended. That was the first Beatle song I had ever heard and it changed my life.
From that day forward I became part of the 60’s movement and felt that I belonged. I no longer allowed my mother to tie my hair in rags. I listened to the radio as often as possible to try to hear a Beatles song. I spent hours on my Princess phone talking about the Beatles and then the latest new groups coming onto the scene. Everyone in my class was feeling the same way. We’d talk about them, dress like them, cut our hair like them - screamed and cried whenever we heard them. There was no stopping me.
Suddenly, I was yelling back at my parents unafraid of the consequences. They didn’t know what to make of me, the music, my friends, and my world in general. I was no longer in their control. They backed away from me and off I went on my own. All the anger I had kept inside since early childhood came spewing out with a vengeance. It seems trivial, but hearing that song on that day woke up the sleeping giant within. In just a few short years, I would leave home for good. I was strong and somehow I was going to find my significance in this world.
The question I’ve often asked myself is “What would have happened in my life if I had never heard that song on that particular day--in that particular moment?” I’ll never know. However, I do know that from that day forward I began my search for my significance which ultimately led me to write The Answer: A Journey from Anger to Peace. My passion is helping people understand and acknowledge their emotions especially when it involves the feeling of anger, and learn to create more peace in their lives. It’s my hope that sharing my journey from anger to peace will make your journey a little easier and sooner.
Helping countless individuals faced with this hurt and anger inspired the creation of "the SOFIprocess”. This process outlines how the feelings of anger and frustration can be traced to being made to feel insignificant. "SOFI" stands for the "significance of feeling insignificant" and explains that while conflict is a fundamental part of any healthy relationship, conflict where it results in the intense anger response is unhealthy and unproductive.
Let’s begin by simply chatting about the framework of feeling more significant, thinking about yourself and sharing those feelings in a dialog about the theSOFIprocess. Join my social network. Go to my fanpage, http://www.facebook.com/theSOFIprocess and share a defining moment in your life. We can all learn from your story
You can also learn more about theSOFIprocess at http://www.theSOFIprocess.com. My book The Answer: A Journey from Anger to Peace can be purchased through my website or directly from Amazon and Barnes & Noble.